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Subject: Fun Stuff- Jokes, Links, Etc. Posted by: TB - Leader [031811922] Thu, Jan 27, 2005, 22:17 My Dad sent this to me at work and it cracks me up everytime I watch it. Extra Wheel Video I almost posted this in the Politics Forum for Nerve (need flash): Brave New World Here is one that I am sure your boss would love you to waste several work hours on: Yeti Baseball 311 seems to be about the best I could do. HOW CAN YOU LIVE WITHOUT KNOWING THESE THINGS? Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Coca-Cola was originally green. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It is impossible to lick your elbow. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...) The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38% ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades - King David Hearts - Charlemagne Clubs -Alexander, the Great Diamonds - Julius Caesar ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what? A. Their birthplace ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested? A. Obsession ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"? A. One thousand ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common? A. All invented by women. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil? A. Honey ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year? A. Father's Day ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... "good night, sleep tight." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month .. which we know today as the honeymoon. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down." It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice. ~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~ At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow. | ||||||
[Lengthy or complex threads may require a slight delay before updating.] | |||||||
| 171 | sarge33rd ID: 670916 Fri, Oct 28, 2005, 21:43 | re 168...cute TB, real cute. :( | |||||
| 172 | TB Sherpa ID: 031811922 Fri, Oct 28, 2005, 22:51 |
Dear Abby, I have been so blessed in my life. Great parents, great wife and kids, great job, and a great education. When I finally retired, I could hardly wait to spend time enjoying my favorite pastime -- bass fishing. I got my own little fishing boat and tried to get my wife to join me, but she just never liked fishing. Finally, one day at the Bait & Tackle Shop, I got to talking to Sam, the shop owner, who it turned out loves bass fishing as much as I do. We quickly became fishing buddies. As I said, the wife doesn't care about fishing; she not only refuses to join us, she always complains that I spend too much time fishing. A few weeks ago Sam and I had the best fishing trip ever. Not only did I catch the most beautiful bass you've ever seen, only a few minutes later Sam must have caught his twin brother! So I took a picture of Sam holding up the two nice bass that we caught and showed the picture to the wife, hoping that maybe she'd get interested. Instead, she says she doesn't want me to go fishing at all anymore! And she wants me to sell the boat! I think she just doesn't like to see me enjoying myself. What would you do? Tell the wife to forget it and continue my hobby or quit fishing and sell the boat as she insists? Thanks, A Fisherman P. S. I have enclosed the picture of Sam showing off the bass we caught...  Dear Fisherman, Get rid of that narrow minded wife! | |||||
| 173 | TB Sherpa ID: 031811922 Fri, Oct 28, 2005, 23:10 | We all agreed that the guys in posts 71 and 77 are idiots. This guy belongs in the same club. | |||||
| 174 | Motley Crue ID: 2192327 Fri, Oct 28, 2005, 23:15 |
He looked like he did OK. Too bad, he deserved to learn a hard lesson. Namely that ball sack hair doesn't grow back as fast as we'd all like to think it does. | |||||
| 175 | TB Sherpa ID: 031811922 Fri, Oct 28, 2005, 23:21 | LOL. I couldn't even watch it twice. It's like this video: More than ouch. The slow-mo replay is brutal. | |||||
| 176 | Motley Crue ID: 2192327 Fri, Oct 28, 2005, 23:36 |
Man, you are full of rainbows and bunny rabbits tonight. Maybe I'll talk to you later. | |||||
| 177 | TB Sherpa ID: 031811922 Sat, Oct 29, 2005, 00:35 |
Don't forget diesel engines
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| 178 | Motley Crue ID: 2192327 Sat, Oct 29, 2005, 00:49 | What the F? Weird. | |||||
| 179 | RecycledSpinalFluid Dude ID: 204401122 Sat, Oct 29, 2005, 00:56 | TB, thank you for post 173. I near passed out laughing so hard. | |||||
| 180 | TB Sherpa ID: 031811922 Sat, Oct 29, 2005, 04:05 |
I still think Beer Boy is funnier. MC, that pic is from a British Honda Commercial. Pretty bizarre. I must have forgotten to eat my mushrooms before watching it. | |||||
| 181 | TB Sherpa ID: 031811922 Sat, Oct 29, 2005, 04:09 | This page isn't really funny. I just wanted everyone to know where to go in case they were looking for an Amish Moon And Stars WATERMELON | |||||
| 182 | TB Sherpa ID: 031811922 Sat, Oct 29, 2005, 21:44 | Copycat American Pie Article | |||||
| 183 | sarge33rd ID: 670916 Sat, Oct 29, 2005, 22:07 |
"young and impressionable people".... is that creative writing for "really, really, REALLY stupid people" ? | |||||
| 184 | wolfer Sustainer ID: 18639422 Sun, Oct 30, 2005, 08:16 | Great list of song parodies | |||||
| 185 | TB ID: 1286814 Mon, Oct 31, 2005, 11:19 |
Nun and the Hippie A hippie gets onto a bus and proceeds to sit next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun surprised by the question politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts on its way Bob the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you." The hippie says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the Lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," said the bus driver, "you could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you." Well the hippie decides to try this out so that Tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. And right on schedule the nun shows up. When she's in the middle of praying the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of God. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first." The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about to go to work on the nun. After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie!!" The nun replied by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!!" | |||||
| 186 | sarge33rd ID: 148422311 Mon, Oct 31, 2005, 20:19 |
just found a site FULL of older discontinued PC games for DL; abandonia (abandon ware??) Most are from game companies that have long since ceased to exist. (If this kind of site is "illegal", let me know and I'll delete the post/link.) | |||||
| 187 | C1-NRB ID: 24050310 Tue, Nov 01, 2005, 10:28 |
Thanks, sarge! I clicked that link hoping to find a long-lost game and I did on page 4. Too many grade points were sacrificed to Wasteland the Spring semester of 1990. A friend had it on a system with a 13" amber monitor. Between 6 and 10 of us would crowd around and watch/ help the primary player. The writing made it great, not the graphics. Many a mutated rat was sent "into a spinning dance of death" or "exploded like a blood sausage." Everyone eventually played it themselves, either on their own computer or a roommate's. One guy brought in a color monitor after Spring Break and we all played again just to see the "graphics" in color. At one point there was a secret "tease"- a note on a desk referenced "Wasteland II- you shudder in anticipation." Alas, it never came to be. Good thing, too. Counted amoungst that group are a doctor (original game owner), an architect, and an accountant who started and finished the whole game in 24 hours because his roommate was moving out and taking the computer with him. I'm going to have to find all those guys and send them this link. | |||||
| 188 | sarge33rd ID: 148422311 Tue, Nov 01, 2005, 11:30 |
one of the links on that site, led me to one of my ALL time fave games: Silent Service II from Microprose. Gonna have to figure out DOSbox now, so I can "relive" some of those past memories!!!! | |||||
| 189 | TB Sherpa ID: 031811922 Thu, Nov 03, 2005, 22:24 | I am getting out of the car. You can get off of me........ahhhhhhhhhhh | |||||
| 190 | Guru ID: 330592710 Thu, Nov 03, 2005, 23:28 | 2005 Japanese Yo-Yo champion | |||||
| 191 | TB Sherpa ID: 031811922 Sat, Nov 05, 2005, 01:51 | New Recruiting Campaign | |||||
| 192 | TB Sherpa ID: 031811922 Sat, Nov 05, 2005, 01:59 |
Supreme Court Pyramid This link is just for Tree. I know how much he will enjoy it. www.americancomedynetwork.com Boatloads of funny audio at this site. | |||||
| 193 | Da Bomb ID: 43359416 Tue, Nov 08, 2005, 01:08 | Rainbow Trip | |||||
| 194 | sarge33rd ID: 148422311 Tue, Nov 08, 2005, 10:29 | Controversial "Egan's Law" Expected to Gain Widespread Support | |||||
| 195 | TB Sherpa ID: 031811922 Tue, Nov 08, 2005, 22:33 |
Never Scare a Brother | |||||
| 196 | TB Sherpa ID: 031811922 Wed, Nov 09, 2005, 00:13 |
Whole Lot of Pain Whole Lot of Pain 2 | |||||
| 197 | TB Sherpa ID: 031811922 Wed, Nov 09, 2005, 00:34 | Amazing Magic Trick I would have to see this live. What a trip. There is another video where he swallows a coin that a woman signs and then you watch it travel down his arm and he cuts it out of his skin. It is at the same site. | |||||
| 198 | TB Sherpa ID: 031811922 Wed, Nov 16, 2005, 20:33 |
I thought this was kinda cool: Seems a sheep farmer was puzzled about the disappearance of some sheep on his farm. After a few weeks of sheep disappearing the farmer decided to put up an electric fence. About a week later, this is what he found!  Now, I know we've all heard of people being eaten by snakes and I bet most of us have said, "If a snake tried to eat me, I'd blah, blah, blah and get away. Well, this is a Python and they're extremely aggressive and have a few teeth that they use to hold their prey while they wrap around them and then constrict. Could you get away if this one bit you and held on with it's "few teeth?" Note: the wires are 10 inches apart.  | |||||
| 199 | sarge33rd ID: 148422311 Thu, Nov 17, 2005, 11:16 | isnt that what Smith and Wesson is for? | |||||
| 200 | TB ID: 1286814 Thu, Nov 17, 2005, 12:49 | I was thinking Mossberg. | |||||
| 201 | RecycledSpinalFluid Dude ID: 204401122 Thu, Nov 17, 2005, 12:51 | I was thinking street sweeper. | |||||
| 202 | Da Bomb ID: 43359416 Mon, Nov 21, 2005, 23:36 | The Shining in a different light. | |||||
| 203 | beastiemiked ID: 262411016 Mon, Nov 21, 2005, 23:46 | TB, great pics. My roommate is deathly afraid of snakes. Now I just need to put one of those as my screen savers and I know he'll never mess with my computer. | |||||
| 204 | TB Sherpa ID: 031811922 Tue, Nov 22, 2005, 21:23 | One of the guys in my office made the bottom pic his wallpaper. | |||||
| 205 | Motley Crue ID: 2192327 Tue, Nov 22, 2005, 23:44 | Wow, so Army guys really are crazy? | |||||
| 206 | beastiemiked ID: 262411016 Tue, Nov 22, 2005, 23:54 |
House of Lights vs Trans-Siberian I'm sure their neighbors just love what they've done to their house. | |||||
| 207 | Da Bomb ID: 43359416 Wed, Nov 23, 2005, 16:15 | ordering chinese food over phone | |||||
| 208 | Great One Sustainer ID: 053272014 Thu, Nov 24, 2005, 10:53 | Thats prank idea is actually from Howard Stern. Some British guys ripped it off about a month after he did it. They even called the skit the exact same name. | |||||
| 209 | TB Sherpa ID: 031811922 Thu, Dec 01, 2005, 02:25 | Sit back and watch it change | |||||
| 210 | TB Sherpa ID: 031811922 Thu, Dec 01, 2005, 23:29 | Did anyone watch that sketch movie I posted right above? You can click on 16 and speed it up or click lower and slow it down. I wish I could draw like that. | |||||
| 211 | C.SuperFreak Sustainer ID: 53771616 Mon, Dec 05, 2005, 15:35 | Mr. President on global warming | |||||
| 212 | sarge33rd ID: 148422311 Tue, Dec 06, 2005, 20:32 |
The Christmas light display posted above in 206? :) Here are the instructions on how to setup your own "Wizards of Winter" display: Computerized Lighting Displays | |||||
| 213 | Tosh Leader ID: 057721710 Wed, Dec 07, 2005, 03:18 | Arnold Schwarzenegger: Carnival in Rio (goes straight to QT video) | |||||
| 214 | Tosh Leader ID: 057721710 Thu, Dec 15, 2005, 03:14 |
Potential Labor Troubles up North At issue is Claus’ treatment of his large elvish work force, which annually produces some 700 million toys with a market value in excess of $14 billion. Critics claim that the elves work long hours for low pay under hazardous conditions. Particularly at issue is Claus' adamant refusal to give the elves any sort of health insurance and his stubborn insistence on keeping his manufacturing operations at the North Pole, where governmental oversight is nonexistent. Claus’ spokes-elf, Celeste “Bubbles” Nognipper, is dismissive of the complaints. “Elves are immortal. They don’t need health insurance. This is just the griping of a few bad snowflakes.” As for the supposedly subhuman conditions, Nognipper points out that elves “aren’t human.” “See how far immortality will get you after you’ve been mauled, chewed up and regurgitated by a thousand-pound bear,” retorts Twinkleflake. “Immortality doesn’t mean we can’t suffer wounds or feel pain. We need proper doctors and cheap pain-killers.” | |||||
| 215 | wolfer ID: 191043113 Thu, Dec 15, 2005, 09:45 |
A beautiful young blonde boards a plane to New York with a ticket for the economy section. She looks at the seat in economy and then looks into the forward cabin at the first class seats. Seeing that the first class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty one. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in economy. The blonde replies "I'm young, blonde and beautiful and I'm going to sit here all the way to New York." Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the blonde problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in economy. Again the blonde replies "I'm young, blonde and beautiful and I'm going to sit here all the way to New York." The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blonde problem with the co-pilot. The co-pilot says that he has a blonde girlfriend and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something in the blonde's ear. She immediately gets up, says "thank you so much," hugs the co-pilot and rushes back to her seat in the economy section. The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, together ask the co-pilot what he said to the woman. He replies "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to New York." | |||||
| 216 | barilko6 ID: 231181916 Fri, Dec 23, 2005, 12:46 |
Funniest site I have come across in a loooong time. Santa Sez: (Sorry, it wouldn't let me create and insert a link for some reason) http://www.santasez.sig-ad.com/ | |||||
| 217 | Perm Dude Dude ID: 030792616 Fri, Dec 23, 2005, 13:11 | They had that with a guy in a chicken outfit a few years ago. Freaked me out the first time I saw it. | |||||
| 218 | TB ID: 1286814 Mon, Jan 09, 2006, 11:06 |
I am guessing that lots of people have seen this before, but it still cracks me up, especially when I have been lurking in the politics forum. Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southern Republican? Here is a little test that will help you decide. Question: How do you tell the difference between Democrats, Republicans and Southern Republicans? The answer can be found by posing the following question: You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscene- ities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock cal .40, and you are an expert shot? What do you do? You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Democrat's Answers: 1.Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! 2. Does the man look poor! Or oppressed? 3. Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? 4. Could we run away? 5. What does my wife think? 6. What about the kids? 7. Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? 8. What does the law say about this situation? 9. Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? 10. Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? 11. Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? 12. Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? 13. If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? 14. Should I call 9-1-1? 15. Why is this street so deserted? 16. We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. 17. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Republican's Answer: BANG! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Southern Republican's Answer: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.....(sounds of reloading). BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click. Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?" | |||||
| 219 | TB Sherpa ID: 031811922 Thu, Jan 12, 2006, 01:23 |
PICTURE ON THE NIGHTSTAND After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of another man on her nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry. "Is this your husband?" he nervously asks. No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend, then?" he continues. "No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear. "Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured "No, no, no!!!" she answers. "Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands. "That's me before the surgery." | |||||
| 220 | wolfer Sustainer ID: 18639422 Fri, Jan 20, 2006, 20:44 |
I just had to add this: Paris Hilton's deposition from the lawsuit against her. | |||||
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